I'M FINE

I am thrilled to announce that one of my paintings (see below) will be a part of IMMERSE 2026 tonight and tomorrow night in Orlando, FL. "I'm Fine" represents the denial stage of grief and will be part of the "Echoes of Grief" installation curated by LOVE ON CANVAS (aka Kimmie Rose and Mac del Sol!) It is going to be an amazing event!

There is a lot to say about this painting because it represents so much to me. On the most superficial level, you can see a singular bright spot poking through the chaos and darkness that is streaming, raining and falling all around. Though you can't tell from the photo, the frame has no glass as it shattered unexpectedly - a perfectly unscripted part of this piece.

On a deeper level for me personally, this piece represents the denial I've embodied at so many times in my life, in particular those moments in which I was trying to perform in ways to be seen as acceptable, pleasing, or worthy. I'm not talking about appearance but rather some of the roles I've played or worn. Always one to do my best to bring the light, at times this has been done while feeling like I was drowning in a sea of anxiety, waves of overwhelm and grief crashing over me.

On the brighter side, as I am always ready to find, this piece is about trusting the process and building on "failure." In truth, I did not like this piece from the moment I started it.

Why?

Because I couldn't execute the first vision I had in my head. Or the second. Or the third. I kept trying different things on the canvas, got frustrated and was ready to trash it. But then I'd step back, get a new idea, and follow it. After three concepts that just didn't work, I almost threw it away.

But I didn't. I paused and set it aside until something inside told me to just use it as a place to try new things. To let go of outcomes. To stop worrying what it looked like and just let it be.

So that's exactly what I did. As I worked on other pieces with a purpose, I had no purpose with this one except to play, to experiment, to let go.

When I was done, I still didn't like it much. But something told me to just wait, to hold on, to let it settle. And then suddenly, when an opportunity appeared - when the deadline was extended to submit to the installation at IMMERSE - I felt it.

I looked at the painting with a new idea, a new frame, and I saw what it's purpose was. I saw that glimmer of light poking out from all the darkness and the words "I'm Fine" popped into my head.

As I write this, tears are streaming down my face. Because I see something new in the denial of the past and the "I'm Fine" of today. That little glimmer of light - and the words "I'm Fine" choked out in my toughest times - might have been a lie in the moment. But perhaps they were also a message from the part of me that was on the other side.

Maybe they were a whisper from my highest self that no matter how tough things got or how much pain I was in, that one day I'd find my way past it. That someday, I'd be able to stop grieving for the parts of me I'd covered up to convince myself and others I was fine.

And here I am, revealing and healing from this art in new ways. The person who I am now IS fine. Maybe the me of now is my "higher self" sending a message back to the younger me, the one who endured so much loss and grief almost from the time she came into the world.

Perhaps you too will get a message from seeing it or reading these words. May the words "I'm Fine" resonate to bring you in tuch with whatever you need to heal. IMMERSE is happening in downtown Orlando Feb 20 - 21 from 5 PM to 11 PM. My painting and many others will be on display in the Echoes of Grief installation off Church Street. Prints will be available for purchase at LOVE ON CANVAS in the Artists Market near the Grand Bohoemian Hotel.  https://www.immersefest.com/ Posters and prints of this and all my recent work from the Collective Renewal residency are also available for purchase HERE.