From BridgE Burner to SPace holder

When I was younger, I used to be a bridge burner. On more than one occasion, I told someone usually a boss or a boyfriend - EXACTLY what I thought about them or what they should do before I stormed out the door in a blaze of self-righteous glory.

In my weakest moments, I still do this. Thankfully it's usually when I'm by myself in the car or in the shower. I vent and rage and pour my feelings along the roadside or watch them trickle down the drain.

Then I gather myself, still my judgments, and center my awareness in my heart. From there, I can usually approach the situation from a place of peace and common good.

There are times when I know my words or actions will make a meaningful difference and help the situation get better. But there are as many or more moments in which I know being silent or still - at least for now - is the best choice for everyone.

Being quiet or pausing isn't the answer in every situation. But in many moments, being quiet and pausing is what allows the best solution to emerge.

And quite often our stillness, silence and the decision not to act in someone else's story is what allows them to grow enough to find the solution and to be ready for it. The struggle is what prepares them to overcome the next challenge on their path.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is to step back and make space for others, allowing our silence to surround them with support. In this way, saying nothing affirms our trust in their ability to do whatever is needed for their growth.

And sometimes, our willingness to "just be" and hold space rather than to fix or instruct or critique is precisely what allows someone ask for exactly what they need or begin rebuilding a bridge we once set on fire.

“When you build bridges you can keep crossing them.” — Rick Pitino