If you've read much of my writing, it's probably obvious I am trying hard to move past some limiting beliefs and emotional pain from the past. Clearly, if you've read my last few columns, you know a lot of these issues have to do with my mother. Plenty of material there, for sure.
One of my other big areas for healing is that of money and prosperity. Money and my mom seem like two different issues, but I am learning just how closely the two are intertwined. And I'm having some pretty big realizations and breakthroughs along the way.
There are SO many stories I could tell about my mom and money to illustrate how my thinking may have gotten a bit screwed up. But for now, let me just say that although my mother grew up in a moderately affluent family - my grandparents were both college professors before my grandfather became a Dean at NYU and several different schools - she had a very strong disdain for "people with money." Let's call them PWM for short.
I'm not really sure where Beth's feelings came from. She grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Montclair, NJ, a bedroom community for NYC. Later she went to boarding school before opting not to go to college. Instead, for the most part, my grandparents supported her financially until she married my father - and perhaps even after that.
Whatever the case, while I was growing up, Beth talked about PWM quite negatively. A few examples...
"People with money don't understand what it's like to have real problems."
"PWM don't have any stress."
"PWM didn't earn their money. It was given to them."
And so on.
Though I never ever heard them say anything against PWM, my grandparents, even when they were not hurting for money, were very frugal, and saved EVERYTHING that might possibly be useful at a future time. Having lived through the Depression, they knew what it was like to be People Without Money and managed whatever resources they had wisely - other than what they spent supporting their daughter anyway.
They also both espoused the virtues of working hard and persistently to get what you want. They lived by this doctrine and worked a great deal longer than most people of their ages, especially for the time. (My grandfather was nearly 84 and my grandmother 77 when they finally retired in 1974.) From them, I inherited an incredible work ethic, perhaps one that is a little too good. And from my mother, I got the idea that PWM - even those who work really hard - are bad.
So...my epiphany for today is this: I've been working against an inner/subconscious belief that I should work really hard (to earn my grandparents/others' respect, admiration, or approval) but not earn much money (or else my mother/others won't approve of or love me).
Wow...just...wow. This explains a lot.
In a similar vein, after I wrote All There is IS Love, I started thinking about my mother being a gardener. I was comparing the investment she made with her time and energy in creating a garden to the investment I make in my businesses.
In the garden, Beth's labor, talent, and love produced an ongoing supply of beautiful flowers, an outward manifestation of all she poured into soil and seed. She could enjoy her beautiful blooms however she wanted without anyone making harsh judgments about her. She could leave them in the ground, cut and display them around the house or give them to friends and family. She might have even been able to sell or trade them for other things she wanted if she were so inclined.
Similarly, in my businesses, my labor, talent, and love also generate an ongoing and outward manifestation of my contributions. It's called money. However, given my mom's dislike of PWM, the word and very idea of "money" has often been negatively charged in my life. It also been a bit of a challenge to manage or sometimes even talk about at times. I now believe her PWN views greatly skewed my thinking as to how to use, share and enjoy money as well as how to grow more of it. But then...da dah...I had another startling revelation! If energy + effort = flowers for my mom and energy + effort = money for my business, then flowers = money! What if, when some of my old negative programming comes up related to financial situations, I replaced the word "money" with the word "flowers?" Perhaps this could take away a lot of the icky feelings that popped up and replace them with happy, positive thoughts.
Here's a few I tried out immediately...
"People with flowers don't understand what it's like to have real problems."
"People with flowers don't have any stress."
"People with flowers didn't earn them. They were given to them."
Suddenly, every single one of those statements I'd been hearing in my head for decades seemed RIDICULOUS! Instead of having the power to make me cringe or cower, since I discovered this new FLOWER POWER, whenever an old money mantra pops into my head, I change the words and POOF I start giggling and feeling energized:-)
You should try it!
The bottom line: I've finally unearthed the roots of some pretty huge weeds in my own garden. I know there's more work to do, but I'm looking forward to planting some new money ideas and manifesting an abundance of beautiful blooms.
Flower power. It does a garden good.